There has been very little sewing going on in my life right now. Mostly because I think I would mess everything & anything up because my mind isn't focusing real swell. Even at work, I am finding my mistakes & have to take extra steps to be sure I don't repeat them.
In October my oldest brother, JR, was diagnosed with lung cancer. He has been a life long smoker & wouldn't talk to me about it. Maybe if I had been there in person, he may have. I won't ever know. JR went to the emergency room because he thought he was having a heart attack. He ended up seeing an oncologist. After having biopsies on his lungs, the oncologist determined that his lung cancer was too far gone for any treatment. He was sent home with hospice. JR died on Sunday December 8th. His services were held on Saturday December 21st.
On Saturday December 7th, my brother Johnathon called me & told me that my youngest brother Michael was in the hospital on life support after having a brain tumor removed. Nobody knew Michael was in the hospital. He kept it a secret from everyone so that we could focus on JR. Michael's doctors told Johnathon that Michael also had tumors in his lungs that they were going to address after his brain surgery. Michael was removed from life support on the very same day that the whole family found out he was there. Michael died on Saturday December 7th. His services were held on Sunday December 22nd.
I wasn't there to say goodbye to either of my brothers. Not while they were alive. I don't even know how to put into words how I feel. Christmas. I'm just not feeling it. I can put on a brave face & pretend - that's probably as good as it's going to get. Losing 2 brothers at once in unrelated deaths is really hard. Just hard.
22 hours ago